Konstellation came together piece by piece throughout the semester. I started PCE knowing what I wanted to do but the class came with a default weight: a core course at Harvard, where people who have done revolutionary work in various fields come together in one classroom. The class also carried the weight of potential impact, with students starting their own companies, creating standout projects for their portfolios, and using these works as leverage toward new possibilities. How could I possibly create something unique and meaningful in this class to showcase my value as a person, student, and educator? How could I design something that would stand alongside the achievements of my brilliant peers, while also creating something so remarkable that it would land me my dream role (even though I’m not entirely sure what that role would be)?
And even though I could see the time and opportunities slip by, I let being perfect be the enemy of being good. No work felt good or important or worthwhile enough to do till the point that I had no work to show for at all. The existential dread of needing to know what I want from HGSE but not knowing felt more and more impending each day and with each journal entry on Monday.
However, without the restraints of what I should or should not do, I started exploring any and everything. Throughout the semester, I have started (and not finished) projects such as designing a repository of traditional indian games, designing a math game, creating a simulation to understand what games provided what learning experiences, designing a weightlifting program that can teach SEL skills, creating an app for SEL skills through gym/food/social activities, and a mind map of people at HGSE. I started each project with enthusiasm because it felt joyful, and left it as soon as it was not fun anymore. It became a running joke with friends to talk about a new project every week.
In hindsight, I did not practice my skills of pushing through and seeing any project to completion. But also in hindsight, I tinkered constantly, trying to find something meaningful. I realized that tinkering and playing are not just fun, but also hard, and often painful, work. Given the choice to do this again, I would probably do it very differently. But I know that because I constantly explored and experimented with what felt correct to remove the noise of what did not feel correct.
And Konstellation is exactly that. The first map is of a past project that was incredibly meaningful to me and continues to impact my work. It showcases the 100 best selling children’s picture books in the US and how the books portray themes of nature, ethics, disability and various cultures. The second map is of all the various projects I am and have been interested in over the years. The third, incomplete, map is of people I am meeting at HGSE and what I am learning from them. None of the maps are exhaustive lists and keep getting updated with new information. I am proud of my work, because it is incomplete, because it is not perfect, because it has surprised me, and because it is a representation of me.
